‘Tis the Season for Merriment If Not the Season for (New) Employ-i-ment (LONG VERSION)

It may be the season for frivolity, festivity, and spending dollars on gifts commensurate with your love, affection, and guilt, but you know what it’s not? High time at the ‘ole Employment Corral.

I am here to tell you that the economy is bustling, but it’s slow going down that happy road to employment nirvana right about now. While there’s not a whole lot of “decision” in the decision-making process because of holiday goings-on, it’s what you have to do, your gift if you will, that may lead to season’s meetings.

When I decided to retire from teaching a few years back, returning to the world of media that I love, all I thought I had to be concerned about was making the transition from wearing glasses during interviews to look older to not wearing glasses during interviews so I didn’t look older.

While I am currently seeking a new opportunity and embracing the humbling experience that has me hearing things like “my, that is a mature résumé” and “you have done a lot haven’t you?” it does make me reflect during this season of reflectment. (Is not a word. Is so. Is not. Is so. Now.)

These days when you’re looking for a job, prepare for the Working Before You're Working reality show. This show idea may not go anywhere, but it has motivated me to utilize the very popular holiday song staple 12 Days of Christmas for my very own 12 Days of Holiday Season Job Seeking. In point of fact this list applies to job seeking all year, but I love a good theme, don’t you?

On the first day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
A 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the second day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the third day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the fourth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
4 real-life work scenarios as writing prompts
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the fifth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the sixth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the seventh day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the eighth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:

8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the ninth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s customer benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the tenth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the eleventh day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:

11 helpful-hints-should-you-get-an-interview-and-please see-our-website emails
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the twelfth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
12 days of nothing but the sound of crickets 
11 helpful-hints-should-you-get-an-interview-and-please see-our-website emails 
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

When Diane isn’t crafting pithy writings she calls “sit down, stand up,” she is tenaciously pursuing a new marketing and communications specialist position with a stellar organization which she will find by the end of the holiday season. (Okay, February 2016 at the latest.) 
P.S. If you feel your organization is a fabulous employment candidate for me and you are located in northern California, please contact me with a 350-word essay letting me know why you feel you are a company Rockstar.

Two Weeks: A Reflection

Some people are connectors, some people are splitters, and some people are adapters. 

No, this isn’t the beginning of a well-placed holiday ad on my personal blog, or a creative riff off of “If you were any type of animal which animal would you be?” prefacing an article about icebreakers.

Rather it’s my reflection upon the roles we play in life and how we impact other’s lives positively:  how we light them up, if you will. 

 She’s a connector.

Over the years I’ve caught glimpses of her on Facebook, megawatt smile beaming out, image after delightful image showcasing a good life.  

We went to high school together in the 70’s and resided near one another alphabetically during this decade known for its effective, albeit unimaginative, way of seating children. 

If you sat next to *Brian Beaumont in first grade, you were likely to hold that place all the way through your senior year, which is why I have uniquely intimate details about his hair cowlicks, penchant for biting his nails, and any number of peccadilloes better left under the **Cone of Silence. 

*Ashley had none of these characteristics or habits, but she was distinguished by her brilliant, genuine smile.  And she was nice.  Not just regular nice, but she was uber nice. To everyone.  In fact, she was nice to everyone before it became karmically sound to be nice to everyone.

We shared a few words here and there, but we didn’t hang out.  She may have been the classic hair-parted-in-the-middle cheerleading stand-out beauty dating the football player we all admired, but even then she was more.

It’s her inspirational back story that goes beyond her basic goodness. 

I think it was our junior year when Ashley got pregnant.  Our country’s morality may have been shifting in a more enlightened direction, but not soon enough to save her from judgment and criticism.

At the time our cultural norms were more morality cult, less norm and the colloquial term “getting into trouble” was used to describe her situation.  It could not have been easy.

We lived in a large town that operated like a small town with plenty of tongues and fingers wagging.  Ashley wanted to finish high school with her classmates and walk with the rest of us on graduation day, but I remember there was huge pushback from the administration.

Through it all Ashley was brave, loving, and kind. 

 She attended her senior year at our large, newly integrated school the only teenaged mom on campus, having gone through what must have been both a difficult and beautiful experience, head held high, beautiful smile in place, more mature than many of us would be for at least a decade.

On graduation day Ashley did walk with us, holding her rightful place in our alphabetical line-up. 

And now she’s in a different kind of trouble.  She has entered the final stage of her fight against the cancer that has not taken away that smile, or that ability to connect people, but it has a finite plan for her future.   

She has two weeks.

Two weeks to savor her life, to smile at everyone in her realm, to spend time with everyone she loves.  Two weeks is a lifetime for her.

Even now, as I write this piece, the Facebook postings from classmates she hasn’t seen in a triple-decade are amassing; connecting us to one another.  As it turns out we were all inspired by Ashley.

Which got me thinking. We can also be connectors. 

Maybe we should all look at our lives as a series of two-week lifetime intervals that we live savoring our lives, smiling at everyone in our realm, and spending time with everyone we love. 

It would be just like Ashley to leave that legacy.

*Pseudonym

**Reference to a recurring gag (and apparatus) featured on the 1960’s show Get Smart.

Diane Dean-Epps lives and works in northern California, teaching English to Generation Y-ME?! in real time and writing books in her spare time, to wit:  Maternal Meanderings (Humor), Last Call (Humorous Mystery), KILL-TV (Humorous Mystery), Quiet Boundaries (Poetry), and I’ll Always Be There For You…Unless I’m Somewhere Else?!  (Humor). Her numerous essays have appeared in a variety of publications, including MORE magazine, NPR’s This I Believe, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Sacramento Business Journal, and Sacramento magazine. Her blog may be found at:  http://www.mswrite-now.blogspot.com/