‘Tis the Season for Merriment If Not the Season for (New) Employ-i-ment (LONG VERSION)

It may be the season for frivolity, festivity, and spending dollars on gifts commensurate with your love, affection, and guilt, but you know what it’s not? High time at the ‘ole Employment Corral.

I am here to tell you that the economy is bustling, but it’s slow going down that happy road to employment nirvana right about now. While there’s not a whole lot of “decision” in the decision-making process because of holiday goings-on, it’s what you have to do, your gift if you will, that may lead to season’s meetings.

When I decided to retire from teaching a few years back, returning to the world of media that I love, all I thought I had to be concerned about was making the transition from wearing glasses during interviews to look older to not wearing glasses during interviews so I didn’t look older.

While I am currently seeking a new opportunity and embracing the humbling experience that has me hearing things like “my, that is a mature résumé” and “you have done a lot haven’t you?” it does make me reflect during this season of reflectment. (Is not a word. Is so. Is not. Is so. Now.)

These days when you’re looking for a job, prepare for the Working Before You're Working reality show. This show idea may not go anywhere, but it has motivated me to utilize the very popular holiday song staple 12 Days of Christmas for my very own 12 Days of Holiday Season Job Seeking. In point of fact this list applies to job seeking all year, but I love a good theme, don’t you?

On the first day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
A 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the second day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the third day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the fourth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
4 real-life work scenarios as writing prompts
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the fifth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the sixth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the seventh day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the eighth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:

8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the ninth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s customer benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the tenth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the eleventh day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:

11 helpful-hints-should-you-get-an-interview-and-please see-our-website emails
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

On the twelfth day of Holiday Season Job Seeking my one true prospective employer sent to me:
12 days of nothing but the sound of crickets 
11 helpful-hints-should-you-get-an-interview-and-please see-our-website emails 
10 fill-in frame sentence writing requests asking me why I want to work for them
9 email opt-in messages touting their company’s benefits
8 form emails thanking me for my interest
7 assurances I would be contacted should my skill set be a match
6 voluntary questions covering gender, ethnicity, and military status
5 online application pages that timed out before I could finish
4 real-life work scenarios for responding
3 writing sample requests asking why I consider myself a Marketing Rockstar
2 online personality tests
and a 6-page timed cognitive assessment just for me.

When Diane isn’t crafting pithy writings she calls “sit down, stand up,” she is tenaciously pursuing a new marketing and communications specialist position with a stellar organization which she will find by the end of the holiday season. (Okay, February 2016 at the latest.) 
P.S. If you feel your organization is a fabulous employment candidate for me and you are located in northern California, please contact me with a 350-word essay letting me know why you feel you are a company Rockstar.