VALENTINE’S DAY – Can I get a Woo-Woo?!

February 14, 2010

Dependent upon your perspective, today marks either a celebration of the heartfelt, gushing joy that is being in love or it may be the heartwrenching, gut-churning day that marks every break-up you've ever had, magnified by the cruel celebration that is Valentine's Day. No matter whichever is the case, I have prepared the next segment of this column in a way that there is no mention of romance whatsoever.

I really can't take much credit for that, I mean, how in the world would a column about technology relate to romance, unless you've experienced a break-up via instant messaging, a text or by phone -- uh-oh. There seem to be many possible associations that can be made, as it turns out.

Well, this segment deals with an ipod, specifically, so unless you've ever heard a song that's made you sad, reminding you of a break-up, lost love...you know what? I'm going to stop trying to help. No more explanations, just today's humorous offering. Without further ado...

The Technology Shuffle – Part VI (of VIII)

…which was the whole point of this whole exercise. There’s only one problem. You now remember that you’re not sure what time you’re supposed to pick-up said focusee after basketball practice and now you’ve brilliantly removed your only way to confirm that fact – the phone! Acknowledging mixed results on this phase of technology deprivation, it’s time to move on to the ipod, which is not all bad, when it is functional.

I began this column project by telling you how I had to blow dry my child's state-of-the-art, hot pink homage to Barbie in my useless bid to get the blasted thing working. Forget that this music delivery system is expensive, seems to break at the midnight hour when the warranty expires and that the liberation of it from its packaging turns into an aerobic activity. The ipod is a nifty little compact device offering relative ease in accessing your favorite tunes in thematically-arranged playlists. However, because we are using technology as a parental teaching moment, the ipod becomes another item from which you need to wean your child temporarily when you realize that…

TO BE CONTINUED…

The Technology Shuffle...Part V...Building a Humor Column From the Ground Up...

February 13, 2010

We are headed down the home stretch of my now book length humor-column-in-the-making that takes a look at technology and our attempts to co-exist peacefully with it. In my last blog, I made the prediction that it would take another four installments to wrap this puppy up, so that would mean three more segments, and counting, if you are...counting that is.

By the way, digressing to talk about technology in action...did you watch the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies last night? Fabulous! Only one glitch, even with the use of, what was it, at least 70 LCD screens? My personal favorite? The part where it appeared that whales were spouting and swimming in the ocean. Now THAT was gold! I can only imagine how incredible it was when you were right there.

The malfunction didn't occur until the very end of the ceremonies and I wouldn't have known it as such, if the anchors hadn't, oh, so helpfully, mentioned it. I guess one of the four columns didn't spring up for its part in the lighting of the Olympic trough, so the four torch-bearing Canadians, including the odds-on favorite Wayne Gretzky, were standing there waiting for a wee bit of time. No biggie. The show went on and it seemed that the lighting was accomplished just fine with three columns, instead of four. Anyway. Where was I? Right. The next segment of my blog...

The Technology Shuffle – Part V

…the proverbial monster or what? Have you ever gotten the bright idea to “get back to basics” and remove the cellular device from your child’s claw-like grip? This you do in an effort to bring about eye contact and reconnect them with their environment as you helpfully point out, “You can take a break from this thing for one day,” all while s/he whines piteously, “But I won’t be able to talk to anyone all day!”

It’s not long before the pathetic turns to the demonic and you see the child of your loins morph into a creature from Frankenstein where you can almost see bolts sprouting from the neck area or, alternatively, maybe this still looks like your child, but you know it won’t be long before the neck swivels around in a full 360 and split pea soup comes shooting out of their mouth. It’s enough to scare even the most experienced of parents.

Fast forward to the end of the day, after you’ve had a chance to savor the smug satisfaction that is rightfully yours over the fact that you’re “helping” your child’s entrée into the Focus Kingdom…

TO BE CONTINUED…

The Technology Shuffle...Part II...Building a Humor Column From the Ground Up...

February 10, 2010

Just by way of a recap, this is a continuing serialization of a humor-column-in-the-making by the name of, "The Technology Shuffle." For Part I please do sashay on over to yesterday's entry and if you're just right there, on the edge of your seat, waiting as each day's offering unfolds, please do sign-up for email delivery of my blog. I'd love it!

The Technology Shuffle -- Part II

The fact that we babyboomers willingly and even happily, may I add, signed on for procreation, even in the face of our own childhood war stories as the byproduct of, "I'll give you something to cry about!" and "What do you mean you need to find yourself? Get a job! You'll know right where you are every day," is probably miraculous in and of itself.

What we didn't sign on for are the parenting disadvantages that have been bestowed upon us by virtue of technology. This could possibly be classified as payback for finding fault with the aforementioned parenting approach that led to our parents saying things like, "I'll give you something to cry about!"

Nevertheless, our parenting disadvantages exist in a whole brave new world, taking many forms, so it is important to address them separately, even as our ability to separate our thoughts about such things…

TO BE CONTINUED…