DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!

I don’t know if people were saying “Do you know what I mean?” much before Lee Michaels made the song by the same name famous back in the 70’s. What I do know is there’s a veritable epidemic raging in the occurrence of that phrase.

The song, “Do you know what I mean?” talks about a guy who’s trying to get over his girlfriend who’s now stepping out with his best friend, Bobby. The wronged gentleman is trying to comprehend the situation, even as he asks for understanding, rather plaintively inquiring, “Do you know what I mean?” I’m guessing he’s looking to establish a connection with us over a shared experience. I just thought it was a catchy hook.

There’s no doubt that “establishing connection” business is the intent of the phrase’s usage today. It acts almost as an “I’m okay, you’re okay” check-in. It got me to thinking about the whole “chicken or the egg” that is pop culture. (Hang with me. I’ll get there.)

What gives a good – or bad – saying cultural hang time? Is a phrase repeated so much that it just weaves itself into our language lexicon, or is there an important pop culture that meets in, say, Iceland, and decides what’s a go?

The expression, “Do you know what I mean?” is the equivalent of signal drop-out because it holds space, but no meaning. It’s similar to: “So?” “Huh.” “How about that?” or any number of transitional phrases that are none too specific. The conversational gambit that is, “Do you know what I mean?” punctuates folks’ discussions, seeming to be just a rhetorical question, though it can be packed with intent.

When “Do you know what I mean?” comes my way I bob and weave like a seasoned verbiage fighter, trying to dodge the phrase’s ability to put me on the spot. The question makes me feel as though I need to bob my head up and down in understanding, complicit in knowing what “it” means. The truth is I often have no idea what I ever mean, let alone what the person who is asking me, “Do you know what I mean?” means.

I have a friend who places “Do you know what I mean?” as an interrogative at the end of every sentence. It’s as much a part of her cute persona as her blonde hair and perky personality. Fortunately her “Do you know what I mean?” is purely rhetorical, lacking intent, or a need for confirmation, so she doesn’t wait for me to nod acquiescence that I’m getting it. I appreciate that about her, and so much more.

Along about a few months ago I found myself getting on my own nerves because I was using, “Do you know what I mean?” so much. Let’s face it. When you’re having a conversation with someone and you hear yourself say, up to and including, three times, “Do you know what I mean?” they don’t. It’s time to hand off the conversational baton to someone else.

I noted in a few situations I was aggressively pursuing empathy, and any time you attempt to marry aggressiveness with empathy you know you’ve tra-la-la-ed off the correct path that will ultimately lead to satisfying communication. I self-corrected, deciding to memorize the lyrics to “Do you know what I mean?” for some reason.

What I discovered when I looked up the lyrics is I’ve been massacring the words for years, wrongly bravely belting out several, what turns out to be wrong, lines in front of captive audiences in my home version of Carpool Karaoke.

Ah, well, it’s not the first time I’ve embarrassed myself, and we can lay money on the sure bet that is it won’t be the last. “Do you know what I mean?”