Do You Know What I Mean?..(humor) the conversational empathy gambit...

March 28, 2010

Do You Know What I Mean?

I don’t know if people were saying “Do you know what I mean?” much before Lee Michaels made the song by the same name so famous back in the seventies, but I’m sure noticing the outbreak of that phrase in conversational exchanges these days.

The song, “Do you know what I mean?” talks about a guy who’s trying to get over his girlfriend, who is now stepping out with his best friend Bobby. The wronged gentleman is trying to understand the situation, even as he asks for understanding, rather plaintively inquiring, “Do you know what I mean?” in an effort to establish a connection over a shared experience.

That connection business is the intent of the phrase’s usage today, sort of a verbal, “I’m okay, you’re okay.” It has me thinking about the “chicken or the egg” that is pop culture. Do we start saying these phrases first, and then they weave themselves into our language lexicon, or might it be the other way around?

The expression, “Do you know what I mean?” is the equivalent of signal drop-out because it’s rhetorical, holding space, but no meaning. It’s like, “so,” “huh,” “how about that?” or any number of transitional phrases that are none too specific. The conversational gambit that is, “Do you know what I mean?” punctuates more and more folks’ discussions, sometimes seeming to be a rhetorical question packed with intent.

When, “Do you know what I mean?” comes my way I bob and weave like a seasoned verbiage fighter, trying to dodge its ability to put me on the spot. The question makes me feel as though I need to nod my head in understanding, complicit in knowing what “it” means. The truth is I often have no idea what I ever mean, let alone the person who is asking me, “Do you know what I mean?”

I have a friend whose “Do you know what I mean” is as much a part of her cute persona as her blonde hair and perky personality. Fortunately her “Do you know what I mean?” is purely rhetorical, lacking intent or need for confirmation, so she doesn’t wait for me to nod acquiescence that I’m getting it. I appreciate that about her and so much more.

Along about a few months ago I found myself getting on my own nerves, I was using, “Do you know what I mean” so much. Let’s face it. When you’re having a conversation with someone and you hear yourself say, up to and including, three times, “Do you know what I mean?” they don’t, so it’s time to hand off the conversational baton to someone else. I noted in a few situations I was aggressively pursuing empathy and any time you attempt to marry aggressiveness with empathy you know you’ve tra-la-la-ed off the right path.

The most interesting bit of information I discovered when I looked up the lyrics for the song, “Do you know what I mean?” was that I’ve been massacring the words for years and if I would have been bravely belting this tune out in front of live audiences for a living, then that might be a problem. As it is, it’s one of the few times I’ve embarrassed myself and no one has noticed. Do you know what I mean?

Lyrics to the Song...for fun...

Do You Know What I Mean?
By Lee Michaels

Been forty days

since I don't know when

I just saw her

with my best friend

Do you know what I mean?

Do you know, know what I mean?

I just saw her yesterday

I just saw her,

asked her to stay

Do you know what I mean?

Lord, Do you know what I mean?

Her and Bobby

were steppin out

Her and Bobby

didn't know I found out

Do you know what I mean?

Do you know, know what I mean?

So I asked her if she still cared

She didn't hear me,

she just stared

Do you know what I mean?

Lord, Do you know what I mean?

And then she said

Lee you haven't loved me

in nearly four years

You haven't noticed

that I held back my tears

And now you have,

but it's really too late

Better find yourself another girl

Better find another girl

Better find uh,

another place

She just left me yesterday

She just left me,

had nothing to say

Do you know what I mean?

Oh, do you know what I mean?

She's a dandy,

yes indeed

She's a dandy,

but now she's free

Do you know what I mean?

Lord, do you know what I mean?

Been forty days

since I don't know

when I just saw her

with my best friend

Do you know what I mean?

Lord, do you know what I mean?

I just saw her yesterday

I just saw her,

learn how to stay

Do you know what I mean?

Lord, Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, here comes it now..

Hoooo,

help.. me

Do You Know What I Mean?...humor about the game of remembering songs...

March 6, 2010

Do Ya Know What I Mean?

We have a little game that we play around our household called “Name that Tune,” which, not coincidentally, is the name of a popular television show from several decades ago where they had people guessing songs in a couple of notes or less.

One of our favorite topics of discourse being music (and our slow metabolism), we often entertain ourselves by bringing up songs that we can’t, for the life of us, remember who the flock sang them. Often we inadvertently bring in one of the show's elements because we only HAVE a note or two to repeatedly sing at one another, as we keep guessing away who warbled their way through the whole ditty originally.

This leads to fun, spirited discussions, often followed by long distance phone calls, emails and the testing of our friends’ patience and memories as we attempt to determine the answer. Yes, we do often revert to utilizing the Internet, but we consider that a last resort, almost like flipping to the back of the math book to see what the answers are. Besides, it’s amazing how many other musicians get a kick out of this little game too, so we like to torment others with our snapping fingers as we screech, “Oh! What IS his name? You know, he had that hair, sang that song, it came out in the early 80’s and he dated that other singer?” It’s amazing we don’t guess the correct answer sooner, what with that kind of helpful information we provide one another.

So, along about last week I began working on a column about the fact that I’m noticing loads of people peppering their conversations with the rhetorical question, “Do you know what I mean?” which led me to the guessing of who sang that song. No one knew and I had to revert to the Internet to get the answer which is that it’s a 1970s song, sung by a guy named Lee Michaels who was sort of a “one hit wonder.”

The part that amused me the most about all of this wasn’t that a) Once again, I had entertained myself for days with minutiae that no one cares about; b) Once again, I had entertained myself for days with a song that no one cares about, but rather c) Once again, I had been singing a line from a song incorrectly for yea these many years which would be a bigger deal if I was a professional singer, which no one cares about.

It’s that line where I thought it said, “It’s been 14 days since I don’t know when.” What does it actually say? “Been 40 days since I don’t know when.” Okay, so I was off by 26 days which is yet another example of why I would always rather write an essay than tote the numbers. And that’s the name of that tune!