It's NOT That It's NOT Time to Think About Aging When...

February 5, 2010

It’s time for another “NOT NOT” list this week. I thought I’d go ahead and cover one of those topics that are always blasting us in the face, sometimes as a result of a quick look-see in the mirror, sometimes because the media “do go on” about it. So, ladies and gentlemen,

It’s Not That It’s Not Time to Think About Aging When:

1. You call your kids by the names of your dogs…repeatedly;

2. AARP keeps sending you materials;

3. You graduated from college some year preceding the inception of the band, Bon Jovi;

4. You, at least, know someone who knows someone who went to Woodstock;

5. You remember what a freedom shirt (female) was and a Nehru jacket (male) was and, no, they aren’t coming back in style;

6. You’re on your third (or more) witnessing of the song remake for, “Big Yellow Taxi,” (Don’t it always seem, that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone);

7. You are more interested in developing your portfolio than your biceps;

8. You find yourself looking at old pictures of yourself exclaiming, “Damn, I was hot!”

9. You find your wife/husband looking at old pictures of you exclaiming, “Damn, you were hot!”

10. Retirement communities keep sending you materials;

11. Your hair growth is equal to your employment possibilities; minimal, a little dark, only hopeful with some sort of enhancement;

12. Your children start asking you how much equity you have in your home and when you think the market might rebound;

13. You realize updating your Will means removing the part where your 20-year-old-plus-several-years children will not be taken care of by their long-deceased grandparents;

14. You’re the same age as your primary parent of the same gender when s/he died and you thought they’d had a “good run” at the time;

15. You realize you’ve been married longer than you lived at home with your family of origin…times two;

16. Term life insurance companies keep sending you materials;

17. Your children keep sending you materials about AARP, term life insurance and retirement facilities;

18. Long conversations play out in your head like time subtracted off of your actuarial chart potential;

19. You start wondering if there’s something to this whole playing cards, bridge, pinochle thing;

20. When people ask how old you are, you insist on making them guess, querying them back with, “How old do I look?”