Friday, March 19, 2010

Signing Off...humor column about astrology and the world of prediction...

March 19, 2010
I’ve been on a short little five-day hiatus or so, but I’m back baby! My goal is to write (and post) on my blog daily, but there are exceptions to my self-imposed rule. As it turns out, I am open to asking myself for some days off and granting that request, so I’m the dream boss I’ve always wanted. Today’s topic is astrology and some of the fun ways to use it to your advantage.

Signing Off

Astrology comforts me, gives me hope, sometimes makes me feel special and fits in nicely with the fact that I am suggestible. No doubt about it, I’m an advertiser’s dream and the ultimate in suggestibility comes in the form of believing my horoscope which brings up a thought-provoking question: How does one know which horoscope is “the” one?

Well, anyway, let’s face it. We’re all somewhat suggestible because if anyone or anything, including our horoscope, tells us we’re going to have a good day, week, year or millennium we’re much more likely to have one of those. If we receive a prediction that says, find a cave, hunker down, learn to hibernate and emerge next year when the going is better for our sun sign, then we’re likely to be a wee bit scared and blame every negative thing on the fates, which horoscopes seem to represent.

Once upon a time astronomy and astrology were one and the same, but that crazy Renaissance period found them diverging and, evidently, astronomy had the better agent because it took the lead as the more scientific one of the two, relegating astrology to the status of “hocus pocus” to the uninitiated.

Did you know that “Astrology is a group of systems, traditions, and beliefs which hold that the relative positions of celestial bodies and related details can provide information about personality, human affairs, and other terrestrial matters.” Me neither, but that’s what Wikipedia says.

You’ve got to love a system that utilizes suns, moons, your birthday, the calendar and other elements over which you have absolutely no control. It really takes the guess work out of living life, in addition to the need for self-flagellation over things that don’t go so hot.
I’ve read about other cultures that consider babies to be born on lucky or unlucky days and I can only imagine how stressful that is for the parents. I had my proverbial hands full enough just birthing my kids, let alone trying to hold one in until that “lucky” day. To me any day my baby was born proved lucky because I was that much closer to wearing cute shoes again and having easy access to counting the appropriate number of fingers and toes.

I’m not sure how much I actually believe in all of the astrology stuff, but I’m not so sure that I don’t believe in it either. I definitely find it intriguing and I try to keep an open mind until it shuts down.

It’s usually when things aren’t going so swell that we look for a sign in signs, don’t we? I have certainly been guilty of experiencing a rather less-than-superior day, at the end of which I am seeking some sort of solace along the lines of: “Why me?” or “Why should I go on?” At that point, I’ll tap into some sort of horoscope service and read up on all of the glowing possibilities that exist from here on in and that seems to fuel me for my next round with life.

Horoscopes come in handy when we’re trying to forge some kind of connection also, but that can go ugly on ya, when you offer up your sun sign to someone who’s had a bad experience with your ilk. Because my sign is a particularly forceful one I’ve actually had folks react by practically crossing themselves as they simultaneously back away in search of holy water, no doubt.

Another somewhat negative trend with astrology was along about a few decades ago when the equivalent of, “Want to come up to my apartment and see my etchings?” morphed into, “What’s your sign?” This created a pick-up line and resultant bad press for which the astrology community is still doing damage control.

I’d like to chat more in depth on this topic, but I hear the kettle whistling and those tea leaves aren’t going to steep and read themselves, so I’ll leave you with my horoscope for today:

“You will be full of energy and the circumstances will work in your favor. You will have good chances to succeed in all your undertakings.”

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